does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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