we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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