I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
