she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
