my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
