i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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