just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
