we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
