I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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