Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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