Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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