I CAN MOONWALK!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
