We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
