just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
