i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
