M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
