Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
