No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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