Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
