we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
