one might say we're banned from that church
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Mom said you looked used
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
