Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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