Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
