maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
