I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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