drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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