Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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