I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I want to make a zoo with you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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