I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
