Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
