You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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