9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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