The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize