just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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