in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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