2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
