I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My feet surprised me
Randomize
