My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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