all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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