the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
