:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
