i just wanna soil my oats bro
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
