the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize