I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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