cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
should my penis look like a turkey
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
