I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i drank out of a bidet.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
