he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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