So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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