HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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