i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
