Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
