Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
