i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
