...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize