I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
