I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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