Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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