I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
