did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
