My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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