So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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