He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
