I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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