How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
