Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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