dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
