Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize